i feel like my brain has been removed. Not because of booze, but due to the tablets i’m on at the moment drink is a forbidden pleasure... mind you i did drink a LOT of shandy!! Any way at midnight last night this happened !!! ....I think the olanzapine is really starting to kick in now. I remember from the last time i was on it, a much higher dose than this time. I think it made me feel like frankenstien’s monster (also i moved around like him). The drugs i’m on are not mood stablisers, they are anti-psychotics and calmer-downers (or as i call them mongers-cos they ‘mong you out’ basically ...and if you don’t know what that means you’ve lead a very sheltered life) the song “Gouge away” from the album doolittle by the pixies pretty much somes it up. So i’ve already forgotten what i just wrote and might end up repeating myself, am i repeating myself....repeat, that’s a funny fucking word if you say it over and over (repeating it!)....
Arr yes, this mood stablizer thing. I may not be psychotic but my mood goes up and down faster than Big Daddy Don Garlits . And so yesterday NYE was a real rollercoaster.
EXAMPLE: We went up the high street in the morning, both vicky and I. Due to being with Vicky i did not take along my ipod. Big Mistake! ....we split up, she went in library and i went to the massive totally bonkers 99p shop (i utterly love those shops, they are the greatest thing caused by the global economic melt down), to purchase 100 party poppers. However this thing occurred:
A)the noise in there was all evil and wrong, like a 45 played like a 33, or this (which is utterly intriguing) ...where was I? You see i’m not sure if it really is actually physically possible to feel your blood pressure actually going up, but this did seem to be happening. Colours and lights attack me in the brain and people seem to turn into devils etc. This is very easily avoidable, just with the use of the ipod! yes apple’s mother fuckin ipod seems to work better than all the ‘mongers’ in the land...
That said i was strong enough to get through it. On a sideline the manic episode of manic depression makes spending money almost as good as sex, so my money don’t last all that long. Why, for instance, did i buy a batman for a fiver when i can’t even concentrate on reading for more tha five minutes....actually it does have nice pictures. I’m rambling now....
IPOD IPOD IPOD! i utterly love you, you stop all the crazy outside stuff!!
So anyway the afternoon was spent sort of getting exited, actually i made this at about 9a.m that morning... The mood swings i go so high i want to dance about hug and talk to every one, to feeling so utterly depressed i would love to just do a Cobain. Also, at random times it’s like wanting to cry and cry.... fucking happy shit this innit! ........i’ll get things back to happy and fun now...
So NYE was spent with my lovely vicky and our cat.... who i nearly killed with party poppers....
we made loads of party food, ate it all then felt like big fat pigs....
One the up side, in fact definitely a big highlight for me , was making a cheese fondoo or is it fando? You know what i mean (heres a picture!) anyway it was so tasty my actual taste buds grew large in appreciation.
at midnight we watched tv. and let off party poppers.
I slept like a log and for a good seven hours, no voices or evil dreams....
NOTE:hopefully this is making some kind of sense, as i said above i’m drugged up on legals and can’t stop doing about five different things at the same time, so whilst writing this shite am also building multiple models, and making silly little films... PEACE OUT MUTHA-FUNKAS!
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