The Day after twelfth night.

The Day after twelfth night.

I’m not sure of the date, or in fact the day. What I am sure of is today is the day twelfth night. Well actually due to the fact that it is 6a.m It could almost still be twelfth night, but i think twelfth night finishes at midnight. There are various theories on the whole subject. So last night we took down the decorations as it is not only bad luck to keep them up but also it’s like inviting evil spirits into your house for the year. Another tradition is to eat all the Christmas food up, so I roasted the last few nuts in honey, ate a Christmas pudding and had a few chocolates. The thing is gifts, I hope, are different from actual food stuffs bought in special for Christmas. You see this is Christmas, a Christmas thing. I was going to go all google just then to find out the Occult significance of twelfth-night and how it fits in with the equinoxes but I‘d rather not go nears that web for information of that type as the web is full of unreliable nutters. The strange time of post Christmas post new year finished last night with the total removal of all things Christmassy from our house. Well I say removal, we put it all in a box in the cupboard…
My mental health seems greatly improved and I have slept well for the last few days. Up until tonight/last night. I awoke at 4:42 according to the clock and lay there listening to the hellish utter silence. That turned into the sound of the blood rushing around in my body, and that caused, I,m sure, my blood pressure to rise…. So I got up. Let it be said now for the record that there are not many people left that I actually really like. By that I mean(and this is only because of the rapid-cycling manic depression, I’m not sure it’s all the time)like enough to spend hours of my time with. In fact I can only really think of 3 and one of those is not even in the same continent!
People, at every turn of event, rile irritate infuriate me. I have a very very short fuse!. Although with that also comes (as I think I have mentioned before) the seeming ability to talk to anyone! So I suppose you could-put me down as your ‘A’ typical nutter who will A)talk to you but B)may lose his temper very quickly and ramble like a nutter.

IN OTHER NEWS
It’s snowing… oohohooohhoho stop the clocks-OH MY GOD!!!!! I think I feel this way-because of the ‘blanket coverage’ (see what I did there) of the snow on the news. I come from Yorkshire where for 4 months of the year we have snow every day. Up there they also have machines called gritters. Annoying to get stuck behind but generally a good thing. Here in London gritters do not exist. And the humans in-charge of putting grit out don't know how to do it either. I have been noticing a gradual rising in the number of the big yellow grit bins around the streets int her last few days. I notice this but I do not notice actual salty grit on the pavements. Last evening for exercise and to pay a cheque for the lovely Vicky in, I walked to Balham. From Streatham to Balham via Tooting Common. I changed my ipod by putting every song/artist with the word strange in my itunes into it.

NOTE: IPOD I love you… my music collection that exists on hard drive and contains 47.2 days of music. That’s 13414 tunes. Some of which are two hour mixes. Putting the word strange in the search gives me 39 tunes, or 2.7 hours of music, easily enough to get to Balham on.

As I walk I notice there’s bright new yellow grit boxes…. But no grit. I mean around the boxes there is grit, but the pavements themselves are grit free. Odd. But not unpredictable. London can’t handle snow. I love it and god willing our Vicky will be staying home today HURRAH!!!!!! (a pregnant lady should not go out in such conditions) …although its not feet and feet of snow as some predicted.

SO that’s my mental health and the snow covered. Just to go back to my mental health, I think I am getting slowly better all together. Although my short term memory is shot up to fuck I feel generally less out of control(LINK TO OUT OF CONTOL CHEMICA BROThersd).I feel both more and less my self. More, because I seem a bit more in control, but less because the drugs A B (likens to drug info) remove a bit of my soul and replaced it with paper mache mush. The gray mush the paper mache is when it’s still wet, which looks actually a little like brain matter….
FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT I utterly fucking hate hate hate this sodding wanking illness. However there is the plus side. A creative bomb that has laid dormant in my mind for far to long has finally exploded releasing this web blog and a million tin men and places for them to stand and drawings and paintings and films etc…

Patrick Bateman is my favourite fictional psycho serial killer. Well not my favourite, that would be the man they call leatherface (although I think really his name should be the man who wears the mask of human skin) If I had to do a top five, I couldn’t at the moment because I can’t think that hard. Bateman, however, may not have been a killer at all. It is suggested that the whole thing was in his mind. Anyway the reason I like him so much is his coldness, his lack of human empathy. His narcasisim is paramount to his character. It is at the core of his ‘non-being’. Also I love his love of the business card. Something I’ve always loved myself. The business card. Pivotal in the wooing of my love, but that’s another story…
You see does it make you uneasy to read that I am a big fan of fictional serial killers. I must admit it troubles me a little, but I live with it. The reason I mention the whole Bateman thing is his raging fury with people. I relate to that. Obviously not to the extent of wanting to kill them, its just I feel, when unwell like this, my fury rises with scary speed when I am confronted by a situation I can’t fix/figure out/deal with. This fury takes over and most times I shout. I keep it in check most the time but I worry about it. Worrying about this of course causes me stress… you can see a pattern emerging here can’t you….

Well time as passed Vicky has got up and gone to work, I walked her to the station due to the snow, but all trains are running so she’s not staying at home… shame.

….and finally I’ve set up a ustream live snow watch streaming brilliance of love and joy, sorry for these ramblings…. Peace out monkey nuts….

P.S Don’t worry about all that serial killer stuff, i’m only mucking about.... i’ve never been ‘creepy crawling’ and have no idea who Ed Gein is.... ;)